The Member

They call it lots of things...their member, schlong, weenie, Mr. Big Stuff, sausage, submarine, Thor, Mini-Me, rod, pile driver, Johnson, third leg, and sometimes even penis.

What I've found out about men and their "members" is that the size of their manhood is directly related to their security or insecurity with themselves. Getting close to a man, intimate or otherwise, who is not well-endowed, one should expect to hear a lot of random comments about how inept he really is in that area. Recently, there have been two examples of this I can note. My roommate, and the crazy guy, Sean. Both are quite small in that area, and know it. Both are majorly insecure when it comes to women, and intimacy. Both are attempting to make up for it with overly-inflated egos. One tries to be funny, but if you listen close enough, is just a jerk. The other boasts talents in almost EVERYTHING. They both, I guess, feel the need to compensate.

But here's the thing, why not keep the compensation for the bedroom? Why must these tiny-Thor men try to overstate their positions in other areas of life? It's transparent, this effort, and quite pathetic. And, frankly, tells a girl before she ever gets to see it, that there's nothing much to see.

I do have compassion for these little guys though. It can't be easy being on the low end of the totem pole - or having a small totem pole altoghether, and I suppose their insecurities were pounded into them with locker room giggles at a young age. Also, I'm sure there are a lot of tactless females who have added to the problem...telling a guy he's got nothing to work with - either out of meanness or spite, or both...is counterproductive for everyone.

On the flip side, I've found that well-endowed men take two strikingly different paths in their security as a man. One path is that of telling the world how great they have it behind closed zippers. The other is the absolute mute. We've all met that guy who, in a group of other guys all talking about their weenie fortune, is saying absolutely nothing. He usually claims that the conversation is too juvenile to partake in, but what it does is make us wonder, and want it - whatever it is. The big mouth with the big Johnson usually ends up not knowing what to do with it, or even worse, thinking that size is ALL that matters. It's like a pageant queen applying to NASA because she wants "world peace".

Some of those well-endowed and outspoken ones seem to think that a woman would like a picture of it. I have received a few texts of this sort myself. No, guys, we don't really want to see it, unless we ask. It's not really very pretty, and if we forget to delete it, it makes for quite an awkward situation when we're showing pictures of our new kitten to a friend and....POW....your Mini-Me appears on-screen.

I guess, for me, and maybe any woman, what we want is not tiny or huge. What we want is someone who fits. In the hole and in our hearts. If you're packing a vienna sausage, learn how to use it, or bring toys. If you're carrying the submarine, learn how to use it, or bring toys. For all you guys who fall in the middle somewhere...you're doing just fine, most of you seem to have it figured out. We want to have fun, have romance, have love. Bring that, and we'll figure out the rest together.