A Start...

I've been trying to figure out where to start with this blog. Should I go in chronological order, from the first experience to what's happening now? Or should I start with the present (because it's fresh in my mind) and hop around to different stories all willy-nilly. I think I'm going to go with the latter.

Just ten days ago, I met a man named Sean at the poker table. I was dealing cards, and he was playing...so the story usually starts. My first impression of him was that he was cute, kinda young, and sporadically obnoxious. I didn't think much else about him, really, just that he made me laugh when I was having a really bad night, and that he was watching and listening to everything I did and said.

Two days later, as fate would have it, I got called into work on my day off, and lo and behold, Sean ended up at the tables through a fluke bus schedule mishap as well. I got off around 9:00, but decided to play poker for a while. I was actually waiting for my little surly security buddy Jason to get off work at midnight so we could go have beers somewhere. On my way to clock out for the night, Sean approached me and asked for my number. I was a bit shocked, not imagining myself to be his type, but thought it a pleasant enough request, so I gave it to him. While I was changing in the locker room, he texted me, "I think you know this already, but I really like you a lot". Hmmmm...no, I didn't know that. I had barely spoken to this boy, and here he was, liking me A LOT. Anyway, I thought it was cute.

We played poker for a while, and flirted, until Jason got off. I invited him along for drinks with me and Jason, and we all went down the street to a divey little bar to get drunk. Sidenote: I'm quite an affectionate person, especially when I drink. Needless to say, and to make a long story short, I took Sean home with me.

What has transpired over the last ten days has been nothing short of crazy. And the kind of crazy that requires padded walls and some sort of injections or electro-therapy. For a day and a half, Sean told me every dirty detail about his sordid past, admitted to issues and baggage of epic proportions, and apparantly fell in love with me. Three days ago he told me he loved, and was in love with me. WHAT??? Ok, not good.

Now I'm at a point where I'd like to erase the whole situation. I don't particularly want a stalker at this point in my life, and am aware that this guy could become such a person. But, I also feel very sorry for him. He does have a good heart, but he's just really fucked up. And that's sad. What I know for sure is that I'll keep him as far from me as I can, at least for now. Another thing I know is that, in my life right now, I have no need or desire for a person like this. I feel rotten saying such a thing, but I'm in "self-preservation" mode, and cannot, and will not tolerate such disfunction in my life right now. I can't save everyone.